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grapegarden) wrote2019-04-01 07:40 am
grapegarden) wrote2019-04-01 07:40 am
Revolutionary Girl Utena :: The Worst Utena Mix Ever Made
Usually I'd just pretend to be a horrendous fangirl who can't type, but for this year's April Fools, I'm going all tongue-in-cheek. So I made a fanmix dedicated to all the major boys of Utena, each song crossing the line... hopefully twice. Canon-typical warnings apply, and this mix is definitely NSFW. Toxic masculinity and misogyny galore!
The cover was made by me using Empty Movement screenshots from the anime and SEGA Saturn game.
The Worst Utena Mix Ever Made :: A Cursed Fanmix
1. Lewberger - I Wish I Could Be A Disney Princess || 2. DVDA - Now You're A Man || 3. Jon Lajoie - Show Me Your Genitals 2: E=Mc Vagina || 4. Heathers: The Musical - Blue || 5. Say Anything - Wow, I Can Get Sexual Too || 6. Frozen - Love is an Open Door || 7. The Dead Milkmen - If You Love Somebody, Set Them On Fire || 8. Into the Woods - Hello, Little Girl || 9. Weird Al Yankovic - I Was Only Kidding || 10. Team America - Only A Woman || 11. Crazy Ex-Girlfriend - Fit Hot Guys Have Problems Too || 12. DaVinci's Notebook - Enormous Penis
It's also available on Youtube and Playmoss!
1. Lewberger - I Wish I Could Be A Disney Princess
If I were a Disney Princess, I would have everything at my fingertips
I could be Native American!
If I were a Disney Princess, I could cry life saving tears
(I could resurrect dead men with my tears!)
Jasmine, I wanna be you
Cinderella, I wanna be you
I just don’t wanna be the part of your life where you were a slave
Pocahontas, I wanna be you
Ariel, I wanna be you so I could hang out with giant sassy drag queen squids
The boys dream of being the Rose Bride, but without all the icky oppression stuff.
2. DVDA - Now You're A Man
What makes a man, is it the power in his hands?
Is it his quest for glory?
Give it all you've got, to fight to the top
So we can know your story
The Ohtori Academy school anthem.
3. Jon Lajoie - Show Me Your Genitals 2: E=Mc Vagina
My love is like lightning... it gives girls orgasms
My dick is like an airplane... it gives girls orgasms
I'm the Wayne Gretzky of sexual stuff
I'm the Hulk Hogan of slamming muff
I'm the Indiana Jones of exploring crotch
I'm the Shakespeare of enormous cock
I'm the Helen Keller of having sex
...No wait, that's a bad example
I heavily encourage watching the Empty Movement AMV for the full experience. Akio Ohtori Akiosplains (which is mansplaining Akio-style) the purpose of women.
4. Heathers: The Musical - Blue
You make my balls so blue
You hurt them badly
You make my balls so blue
They're hangin' sadly
What did they do to you that you hate them so?
Don't run from me
They're all beat up like a tackling dummy!
They long for your embrace!
They're warm like mittens!
They'll curl up on your face
And purr like kittens!
You make my balls so blue!
Just look at them glow...
They're beggin' you!
Don't make my balls so blue
Touga/Utena and Saionji/Anthy, which is unsurprisingly one-sided.
5. Say Anything - Wow, I Can Get Sexual Too
If I die and go to Hell real soon
It will appear to me as this room
And for eternity, I'd lay in bed
In my boxers, half stoned
With the pillow under my head
I'd be chatting on the interweb
Maggots pray upon the living dead
I had no interest in the things she said
On the phone every day, I'll permanently hit the hay
I called her on the phone and she touched herself
She touched herself, she touched herself
Called her on the phone and she touched herself
I laughed myself to sleep
Miki and his awkward relationship with sex. Who's the woman on the phone? Kozue? Anthy? Can he even tell the difference?
6. Frozen - Love is an Open Door
All my life has been a series of doors in my face
And then suddenly I bump into you
I was thinking the same thing! ‘Cause like
I've been searching my whole life to find my own place
And maybe it's the party talking or the chocolate fondue
But with you (I found my place/I see your face)
And it's nothing like I've ever known before
Love is an open door
Saionji/Wakaba. Let's be glad those two never hit it off, because poor Wakaba deserves better.
7. The Dead Milkmen - If You Love Somebody, Set Them On Fire
Know that it would be untrue
Know that I would be a liar
If I was to say to you
I didn't set your house on fire
But it's just the way I am
Have to take it for a fact
Life can really burn you up
When you're a pyromaniac
So if you love somebody
Better set them on fire
Souji Mikage. His biggest mistake wasn't setting the student hall on fire, it was not letting Tokiko and Mamiya join him. Clearly!
8. Into the Woods - Hello, Little Girl
Mother said: come what may
Follow the path
And never stray!
Just so, little girl
Any path
So many worth exploring
Just one would be so boring
And look what you're ignoring!
Think of those crisp
Aging bones
Then something fresh on the palate
Think of that scrumptious carnality
Twice in one day
There's no possible way
To describe what you feel
When you're talking to your meal!
Akio/Utena. Akio is a pedophiliac creeper and every second of this song hurts.
9. Weird Al Yankovic - I Was Only Kidding
When I said that I need you, baby
When I told you I really care
When I said that I can't live without you
When I said I'd follow you anywhere
When I said you could always trust me
When I said I'd never leave you flat
Well, gues what? I was only kidding, baby
I can't belieeeeeve you fell for that! You're so gullible...
Ruka/Shiori. Ruka reveals the depth of his love for Shiori... which turns out wasn't real. Dick.
10. Team America - Only A Woman
I'm gonna tell you how much I love your mind
But it simply isn't true
Only a woman
Can brighten up my day
Only a woman
Can touch me the right way
Only a woman
Is allowed to do what you're doing right now
All I ask is that you're a woman
NOBODY IS GAY/BI/PAN AT OHTORI EVER. Except for Akio, but he's the worst possible person to turn to for your sexual awakening.
11. Crazy Ex-Girlfriend - Fit Hot Guys Have Problems Too
'Cause fit hot guys have problems too
Don't look at us
We're not dancing for you!
It's just hard to process emotions with our clothes on
(Clothes on, Clothes on, Clothes on)
Our pecs are perfect, but we have bad days
So don't objectify us
With your male and female gaze
We have childhood traumas
Just like you
'Cause fit hot guys have problems too!
The Male Utena cast reveals their hidden depths and how deep their oppression goes.
12. DaVinci's Notebook - Enormous Penis
Whenever life gets you down
Keeps you wearing a frown
And the gravy train has left you behind
And when you're all out of hope
Down at the end of your rope
And nobody's there to throw you a line
If you ever get so low
That you don't know which way to go
Come on and take a walk in my shoes
Never worry 'bout a thing
Got the world on a string
'Cause I've got the cure for all of my blues...
But at the end of the day, as long as you have a dick, everything is a-okay! (True Advice: Don't listen to anything Akio or Touga say. Ever)
The cover was made by me using Empty Movement screenshots from the anime and SEGA Saturn game.
The Worst Utena Mix Ever Made :: A Cursed Fanmix
1. Lewberger - I Wish I Could Be A Disney Princess || 2. DVDA - Now You're A Man || 3. Jon Lajoie - Show Me Your Genitals 2: E=Mc Vagina || 4. Heathers: The Musical - Blue || 5. Say Anything - Wow, I Can Get Sexual Too || 6. Frozen - Love is an Open Door || 7. The Dead Milkmen - If You Love Somebody, Set Them On Fire || 8. Into the Woods - Hello, Little Girl || 9. Weird Al Yankovic - I Was Only Kidding || 10. Team America - Only A Woman || 11. Crazy Ex-Girlfriend - Fit Hot Guys Have Problems Too || 12. DaVinci's Notebook - Enormous Penis
It's also available on Youtube and Playmoss!
1. Lewberger - I Wish I Could Be A Disney Princess
If I were a Disney Princess, I would have everything at my fingertips
I could be Native American!
If I were a Disney Princess, I could cry life saving tears
(I could resurrect dead men with my tears!)
Jasmine, I wanna be you
Cinderella, I wanna be you
I just don’t wanna be the part of your life where you were a slave
Pocahontas, I wanna be you
Ariel, I wanna be you so I could hang out with giant sassy drag queen squids
The boys dream of being the Rose Bride, but without all the icky oppression stuff.
2. DVDA - Now You're A Man
What makes a man, is it the power in his hands?
Is it his quest for glory?
Give it all you've got, to fight to the top
So we can know your story
The Ohtori Academy school anthem.
3. Jon Lajoie - Show Me Your Genitals 2: E=Mc Vagina
My love is like lightning... it gives girls orgasms
My dick is like an airplane... it gives girls orgasms
I'm the Wayne Gretzky of sexual stuff
I'm the Hulk Hogan of slamming muff
I'm the Indiana Jones of exploring crotch
I'm the Shakespeare of enormous cock
I'm the Helen Keller of having sex
...No wait, that's a bad example
I heavily encourage watching the Empty Movement AMV for the full experience. Akio Ohtori Akiosplains (which is mansplaining Akio-style) the purpose of women.
4. Heathers: The Musical - Blue
You make my balls so blue
You hurt them badly
You make my balls so blue
They're hangin' sadly
What did they do to you that you hate them so?
Don't run from me
They're all beat up like a tackling dummy!
They long for your embrace!
They're warm like mittens!
They'll curl up on your face
And purr like kittens!
You make my balls so blue!
Just look at them glow...
They're beggin' you!
Don't make my balls so blue
Touga/Utena and Saionji/Anthy, which is unsurprisingly one-sided.
5. Say Anything - Wow, I Can Get Sexual Too
If I die and go to Hell real soon
It will appear to me as this room
And for eternity, I'd lay in bed
In my boxers, half stoned
With the pillow under my head
I'd be chatting on the interweb
Maggots pray upon the living dead
I had no interest in the things she said
On the phone every day, I'll permanently hit the hay
I called her on the phone and she touched herself
She touched herself, she touched herself
Called her on the phone and she touched herself
I laughed myself to sleep
Miki and his awkward relationship with sex. Who's the woman on the phone? Kozue? Anthy? Can he even tell the difference?
6. Frozen - Love is an Open Door
All my life has been a series of doors in my face
And then suddenly I bump into you
I was thinking the same thing! ‘Cause like
I've been searching my whole life to find my own place
And maybe it's the party talking or the chocolate fondue
But with you (I found my place/I see your face)
And it's nothing like I've ever known before
Love is an open door
Saionji/Wakaba. Let's be glad those two never hit it off, because poor Wakaba deserves better.
7. The Dead Milkmen - If You Love Somebody, Set Them On Fire
Know that it would be untrue
Know that I would be a liar
If I was to say to you
I didn't set your house on fire
But it's just the way I am
Have to take it for a fact
Life can really burn you up
When you're a pyromaniac
So if you love somebody
Better set them on fire
Souji Mikage. His biggest mistake wasn't setting the student hall on fire, it was not letting Tokiko and Mamiya join him. Clearly!
8. Into the Woods - Hello, Little Girl
Mother said: come what may
Follow the path
And never stray!
Just so, little girl
Any path
So many worth exploring
Just one would be so boring
And look what you're ignoring!
Think of those crisp
Aging bones
Then something fresh on the palate
Think of that scrumptious carnality
Twice in one day
There's no possible way
To describe what you feel
When you're talking to your meal!
Akio/Utena. Akio is a pedophiliac creeper and every second of this song hurts.
9. Weird Al Yankovic - I Was Only Kidding
When I said that I need you, baby
When I told you I really care
When I said that I can't live without you
When I said I'd follow you anywhere
When I said you could always trust me
When I said I'd never leave you flat
Well, gues what? I was only kidding, baby
I can't belieeeeeve you fell for that! You're so gullible...
Ruka/Shiori. Ruka reveals the depth of his love for Shiori... which turns out wasn't real. Dick.
10. Team America - Only A Woman
I'm gonna tell you how much I love your mind
But it simply isn't true
Only a woman
Can brighten up my day
Only a woman
Can touch me the right way
Only a woman
Is allowed to do what you're doing right now
All I ask is that you're a woman
NOBODY IS GAY/BI/PAN AT OHTORI EVER. Except for Akio, but he's the worst possible person to turn to for your sexual awakening.
11. Crazy Ex-Girlfriend - Fit Hot Guys Have Problems Too
'Cause fit hot guys have problems too
Don't look at us
We're not dancing for you!
It's just hard to process emotions with our clothes on
(Clothes on, Clothes on, Clothes on)
Our pecs are perfect, but we have bad days
So don't objectify us
With your male and female gaze
We have childhood traumas
Just like you
'Cause fit hot guys have problems too!
The Male Utena cast reveals their hidden depths and how deep their oppression goes.
12. DaVinci's Notebook - Enormous Penis
Whenever life gets you down
Keeps you wearing a frown
And the gravy train has left you behind
And when you're all out of hope
Down at the end of your rope
And nobody's there to throw you a line
If you ever get so low
That you don't know which way to go
Come on and take a walk in my shoes
Never worry 'bout a thing
Got the world on a string
'Cause I've got the cure for all of my blues...
But at the end of the day, as long as you have a dick, everything is a-okay! (True Advice: Don't listen to anything Akio or Touga say. Ever)
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